Why Celebrate the Bar Mitzvah?
Though people talk about being "bar-mitzvahed" there is NO ritual that must be performed to be considered a Jewish adult in the eyes of Jewish law.

So what’s the big deal all about? Why all the celebration? Jewish law holds parents accountable for their children's misdeeds. Moms and dads have a reason to celebrate when their child's "Coming of Age," signifies that their offspring have to start being accountable for their own actions. The Bar Mitzvah boy also has a reason for which to be joyful. He has now reached the age when new personal responsibilities dawn. A Bar Mitzvah ceremony is also timed to coincide with the first stretch of adolescence. As a teen reaches for identity throughout these rocky years, Bar Mitzvah experiences help him in his search for identity. In the best case it will foster a sense of connection with all Judaism has to offer.

What is expected of me when I get invited to a bar mitzvah?
Many people who are not Jewish and even those who are, feel confused when invited to a Bar Mitzvah service. They wonder what to do, how to dress, where to sit in the synagogue…

Dress for the religious service as you would if you are going to a religious service (modest, formal attire), and if you’ve been invited to Bevin and Saga’s party, dress for the party in whatever you feel is party attire.

The service starts at 9:15 Saturday morning. When you enter the sanctuary of the synagogue, you see that there is a long isle in the middle – seats on the right hand side are for men and women, seats on the left hand side are only for men. Go and sit on the right hand side. Men and boys should put one of the small black skullcaps or Kippah (the Hebrew name for it) on their heads before entering the sanctuary. Bevin and his family will be sitting up in the front in a special section on the right.

About halfway through the service there is a part called the Torah service. The Torah, which contains the first 5 books of the Bible, is read from beginning to end during the year. It is divided up into weekly sections and it is the section allocated to May 7th that will be read out loud in Hebrew during the Bar Mitzvah service. Each section is divided into separate portions and different members of the congregation will be called up to it to either read from the Torah itself or just say blessings before and after each portion. Bevin has a portion to read, the last one and he will first say the prayers and then recite his portion and follow it with more prayers. He has been studying this for the past year.

After Bevin has done his portion, his friend Saga will recite in Hebrew a section from a different part of the Bible. Then Saga’s mother and I will share in reading the same section that Saga read but in Swedish. After this, Rabbi Spectre will bless both our children and the kids in the congregation will be given candy to throw at them to celebrate their becoming Bar and Bat Mitzvah. The service will then continue to its end.

About giving presents
I guess something has to be said about this because I’ve been getting a lot of questions about it. It helps to think of the Bar Mitzvah as a special birthday - special in that it has religious significance.

In the United States, instead of a present, it’s customary to give a sum of money in the form of a check to the Bar Mitzvah boy. But, please, don’t send Bevin a personal check. Here in Sweden, it’s very complicated and expensive to do anything with a personal check drawn on an American bank. Talk to my mom about what to do if you want to give something to Bevin.

For those friends here in Sweden, any present that is appropriate for a 13 year old boy will also work for a Bar Mitzvah present. As the computer nerd that he is the only thing that Bevin has wished for is a new computer all his own. (As a child of parents who work with computers all day long, he's always had to be content with getting our hand-me-downs) Håkan and I will be giving him his wish since he has worked so hard at this for the past year. If you can’t think of something else to get him and would like to contribute to the computer fund please email Hilarie for information about how to do that and we will include you on the card as a sponsor of some part of the computer; the mother board or the graphics card, or the CD burner or a memory chip or the screen or whatever part you would like to sponsor.

If you are giving him a present, It’s best to bring the present to the Kiddish after the service or to the party (rather than to the religious service). "Mazel Tov" or "congratulations" are appropriate greetings. In Swedish, "Grattis" is good too. You have been invited because the Bar Mitzvah boy wants you to join him in celebrating his "coming of age" - so enjoy the celebration!

Security precautions
Because of the need to maintain security near the Synagogue it is important to remember to bring your invitation with you to the services if you are not a member of the congregation. That is also why its important that we know in advance if you plan on coming. We have to give the security guards a list with the names of all who are invited. And believe me, if they don’t recognize you or know you, they check.